Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
