So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
