is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
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Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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