Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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