I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
