theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
