She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
