im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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