My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize
