Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
