Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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