Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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