11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have aggressive nipples.
and you fell through a lawn chair
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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