what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
