yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
