I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
