I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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