Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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