i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
