An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
40s are totally the cure
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
