Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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