found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
