girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
