He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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