This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
