their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
