I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
