if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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