you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
