both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
