my room smells like sperm. sweet.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Less talking, more tequila
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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