you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
