why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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