are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
