I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
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You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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