People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
