Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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