This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
