:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
