And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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