If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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