i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
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Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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