i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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