Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
