Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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