Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Drunk is not a location!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
