The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
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