Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
