Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
