I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
