Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
