I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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