pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She's the barista slut.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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