I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
