her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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