I cannot find my penis.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
