oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
