If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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