so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
