im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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