Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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