Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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