The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
