he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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