I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
