I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
